Archives for May 2010

Welcome to my humble abode

It seems that my last post prompted quite a few people to think that I had taken complete leave of my senses.  And it’s true. I am a little stressed. I have no words for it so I will allow the pictures to do the talking today.

Please remember as you look through the rubble my pictures, that I am a control freak.   I hate mess and I love my home.


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Now this is not the way the entrance always was, for instance we never had a wheelbarrow as the main point of focus as guests enter the house.  Not even to gather gifts.  I am however thinking of leaving a similar gift receptacle in the finished house.

We also had beautiful arches.  We did not have bits of concrete around the ceiling all jagged and exposed.

This is the entrance to my house, it is not what I would term "inviting"

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This gorgeous cell wall is actually the wall of my bedroom.  Are you beginning to understand my trauma?

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This is the bathroom – I don’t really think I need to say anything more.

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Oh wait – I’ll show you the kitchen

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But it’s not all bad. Really.  Look at the very solid and lovely bolts that they have put in place so that the house does not fall apart in the horrific winds and rain that we are experiencing.

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And also there is the fact that everything is going according to plan.  Hopefully they don’t knock down the walls the plans are written on.

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Seriously.  Now do you understand why I am not completely in my comfort zone?  I know how lucky I am and I really appreciate the fact that the end result will totally outweigh all this angst but if anybody has something that will help me to sleep until October I would really appreciate that.

I think I may have left the stove on.

Why is it that the more stressed and anguished over time I am, the more stressed and anguished I become.

Take yesterday (in fact please take yesterday and wipe it from my memory bank – it was terrible).  I rushed all day.  I had a million things to do (okay nine) and they were all in different places (okay they weren’t) and they all required at least some brain power (yes they did).

I could not concentrate on anything because as soon as I tried to do something I thought about the next thing I was meant to be doing.  So I did what any normal  person would do in that situation – I decided to cut up a hundred vegetables and cook a curry for dinner.

I then loaded many, many posts on to the backend of Mamamia, prayed for people to be nice on the site, shopped  for provisions, went past the building site to shout at gee on the builder, met a very strange woman who bought my old desk on e-bay and tried to fit it into her tiny two door hatchback, re-re-redesigned the kitchen and all I had to do was to take Little Pencil to basketball 14kms from home by 5pm and I could call my day done.

So we left the house at 4:40pm (because we had to finish homework, refuse a snack, find the ball, pump the ball, find socks, tie the shoe laces without visible bows and play a quick game of handball all in between getting home from school at 4:00pm and leaving for basketball)

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The more I worried about it, the more convinced I became.  My brain was saying “it’s off – you always worry about leaving stuff on but you never do”, but my emotions (which are much louder) were saying” QUICK get home, your  dog is going to die”.

So I raced home and ran inside.  The stove was off of course, and the dog was lying on my bed dreaming of having a sane owner.

And when I got back into the car and  tried to explain to Little Pencil the whole concept of “better safe than sorry” loosely interpreted as “better late for basketball than homeless”,  I started to worry – when I checked the stove did I actually switch it ON by mistake?

Am I alone in this obsession about leaving stuff on?  Is it a lesson life is trying to teach me?  If it is I would really like to learn it and move on (just as soon as I have checked the hair straightener because I just know I left it on).

“Good” morning, let’s go to school

Mornings in my house are a nightmare.

I  start every morning with new resolve.  I will not fight with Little Pencil, I will not nag him, I will not chastise him, I will not even hurry him. Every morning it is like some part of me believes that he will have been visited by the Fairy of Responsibility in his sleep, that he will wake up in his 9 year old body but with the responsibility and resolve of a grown man who is eager to get to school work.

As soon as the TV is switched on I know that the Fairy hasn’t visited.  The fairy would have taken away his desire to imbibe violence before school.  Or at least s/he would have hidden the remote control.

I start well.

5 minutes after breakfast is served

Me:      Please eat up angel

Him:    Uh

5 minutes later

Me:      Angel, your cereal is turning to cement, please eat it

Him:    I am *sounding quite indignant*

3 minutes later

Me:      It is really important that you have food in your stomach when you go to school please concentrate on finishing your breakfast and then put on your uniform.

Him:    uh

2 minutes later

Him:    I don’t like this cereal, it’s all soggy

Me:      It wasn’t soggy when I gave it to you 15 minutes ago *blood pressure rises*. Would you like a sandwich?

Him:    Can I have nutella?

Me:      No

Him:    I’m not hungry

Me:      You HAVE to eat breakfast I don’t care if you are not hungry

Him:    I’m only hungry for nutella

Me:      Okay I’ll give you nutella WITH peanut butter (somehow I think the goodness of peanuts eradicates the evil of chocolate for breakfast)

Him:    Can you cut the toast into 16 squares?

Me:      No

Him:    I like squares

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Him:    *has tuned out*

10 minutes later

Me:      Please get dressed

Him:    I am dressed

Me:      I mean get dressed in SCHOOL UNIFORM.  Wearing pyjamas is not the same as being dressed

Him:    *starts practising some martial arts form in the air*

Me:      PLEASE we are going to be late

Him:    *cartwheels*

6 minutes later

Me:      Can you go brush your teeth?

Him:    Did you know that D’s got a new DS game and the main guy has this really cool hair style and you just press A and left trigger and he morphs into this really awesome dude and then you press X and he kicks and Y and he punches and when you press them together ……..

Me:      BRUSH YOUR TEETH!!!

Him:    Okay, and then when you press the A key while holding shift he does a double forward triple somersault that looks like ….

Me:      I DON’T CARE.  BRUSH YOUR TEETH

Him:    Can I get that game on my birthday?

ME:      You can go to the dentist on your birthday.  Now brush your teeth

Him:    So can I?  I really want it

Me:      I’m going to school without you

Him:    *starts to panic* no mum, I’m sorry

Me:      Stop saying you are sorry and brush your teeth

Him:    But I am sorry mum. Really. I’ll brush my teeth now . Can I still get the game?

It’s usually at this point that I start to question whether he has any empathy at all.  He certainly doesn’t have clean teeth.

And then when we finally get to school and see the other mums holding huge chunks of their own hair in their hands, their eyes puffy, rimmed with tears and smudged with their futile attempts at make up, I realise I am not alone.

And I console myself – after all we only have another 9  years of this…………

Sullied by the TV screen

I am enraged, incensed and so angrily sad. I am surprised that I can think – perfect then that I have found just the program to watch to feed my dead brain.

Today Tonight and A Current Affair you apall me.  I know why I have never watched you and I curse the fact that I did tonight.

You see I have the privilege (and i don’t use that term lightly) of working for Mia Freedman, and I also happen to count her amongst my dearest friends. (I love reading that sentence).  I am lucky enough to know Mia as one of the most passionate, generous and genuine people I know.  I see, on a daily basis, how much she cares about her blog, about her followers and about the content that she provides on her site.  I know Mia, not as a celebrity that appears on the Today Show or writes a column in the Sunday paper, not as the creator of the most unique, compassionate and inspiring community that is Mamamia, but as a woman of tremendous heart, genuine compassion and high moral principle.  These qualities make her an amazing friend and a truly inspirational person to work for.

As site manager of Mamamia I read each and every single comment that is made on the blog (now you know why I don’t get out much).  I also read every post that Mia writes. Carefully.  Beacuse that is part of my job.  When she wrote this piece on Gainers – she wrote about gainers – people that purposefully eat as much as they can , people who try to make themselves as fat as they possibly can.  Mia did not generalise about fat people, she did not even mention fat people in general.  But Lordy me.  The fat people found her and they attacked her. And when she tried to defend herself they attacked her some more.  And then they attacked her some more.  And then again. And all for something that she never even said.  They claim it was her tone.  My keyboard does not recognise tone in words that appear on the screen, nor do my speakers.  But for them (the Fat Acceptance people) the tone was loud enough that they could persecute, judge and slaughter Mia.
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Tonight A Current Affair and Today Tonight covered the story.  Why?  Maybe they did not understand the budget? Maybe Naplan is over?  Whatever – they needed a news story and they did not have one. So they created one.  And what creative genius they must have because the whole thing was a fabrication.

I have heard of stitch ups before and I have half heardtedly believed these things happen but never have I seen anything that rates as low as this.  Out of context, misquoted drivel.  I feel sullied that I watched it

I feel proud and inspired to work for Mia and have her as a friend.

What do you outsource?

My working life is changing, evolving and more and more it is taking me out of the house.  I had chosen to work from home when Little Pencil was tiny.  I chose to never really go back into a job away from home because essentially I wanted to be at his beck and call.  I wanted to be home when he needed me and I did not want to stress over school holidays and sick days.  I was really lucky that I could find work that accommodated that.  Then when Little Pencil went to school we got Fluffy Pencil and I fell so deep and hard in love with my puppy that I literally could not bear to leave him.

So I worked at home with Fluffy Pencil, took him for walks whenever I got frustrated (he took a LOT of walks) and I was able to pick up Little Pencil from school every day and spend as much time with him as he would let me.

Now work is changing, there is more time in the office.  In fact there is an office at all.   And there is an office for me with a breathtaking few and spectacular people around me.  I still get to pick up Little Pencil and I get to spend as many days at home with him as I like.  My job is perfectly flexible  with an emphasis on the word perfectly.

So why do I feel conflicted and stressed?   Because of Fluffy Pencil.  He is not used to being at home alone till school pick up time.  There is not even a doggy door at this “not real house”.   He is waiting at home for me all alone looking out of the window and wondering why I am not getting frustrated enough to take him or a walk.

And then yesterday I was talking to my friend who I will call Kerri (because that is her name) and she was telling me about the baby sitter she has just employed.  The babysitter, who I will call Mary Poppins (because that is not her name) is an amazing young woman who really gets Kerri’s kids and will take care of them two afternoons a week while Kerri works.

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Now stay with me for this leap.  Fluffy Pencil is not a human.  Some parts of me understand that (although Mr Pencil will attest to the fact that I have done a mighty fine job of personifying him).  But he is one of my favourite breathing beings in all of the world and I want him to feel secure and loved, I want him looked after and I want him to go walking and running during the day to alleviate my stress around him.  Cue babysitter. Cue dog walker. Cue huge load off shoulders.

Now I just need somebody to do the shopping, cook dinners, do the washing, make school lunches, help with homework and take care of my social life.

After all we all do what we can to make our lives easier.  Or at least we should

What do you outsource to make your life easier?