I am not so much a spa frequenter as a supermarket regular, such is my rockstar life. But this holiday I decided, given there was no supermarket in sight, I would treat myself to a spa treatment or two. Given that I am an anxious worrier this actually caused a bit of stress.
I spent hours on end poring over the brochures of every spa In Noose. I studiously read and reread the descriptions for every available treatment trying to work out the pros, the cons, the affordability and how I would get time away from my family.
Those of you who have read about my startling ability to be totally seduced and overwhelmed by product will understand that reading the spa brochure was like putting a fully stocked mini bar in front of a weary traveling alcoholic. Everything looked appealing and I truly believed that some of the treatments would totally transform my skin and, in the really early hours of the morning when I was totally sleep deprived and vulnerable I believed a body wrap would make me look like a had completed regular triathlon training for at least 3 months.
So I obsessed and I compared and I budgeted and I convinced myself it would all be worth it. In fact I was fully convinced after all my research that supermodels only look like they do because they frequent day spas not because they eat only celery and spend hours a day stretching as they step out of extensive cardio routines. Make up and lighting didn’t interfere with my dreamy reverie.
My beauty transformation was going to take more than one treatment, and I had chosen the detox for my first activity I went in as stressed and anxious as the worst case the spa had ever seen. What if I fainted? Got too sore? Broke out in a rash? Cried? Died?
It was actually peaceful and idyllic in the spa, a little piece of Noosa masquerading as Bali but at least it was clean and I was fairly
confident that I was not going to die (unless of course I was allergic to the oils they used). They introduced me to my masseur and I was instantly transported in to the middle of “what the hell do I do now” land She left me to undress and I almost ran away. Should I remove my bra? Should I have worn more sensible undies ? Will my body react to the massage by releasing wind? And where on earth do I put my clothes anyway?
As it turned out the massage was quite pleasant , if you like unbearable pain. Easier to withstand then the body wrap because at least during the massage I could focus on the pain.
The body wrap? That was an interesting way for me to learn that I am completely and utterly unable to focus on the present.
As I lay on the massage table and got scrubbed and moisturised and buffed and showered by a very interesting overhead watering contraption, I tried so hard to enjoy myself. I tried to focus on right now,I tried to enjoy the touch, the sensation the feeling of the water on my body but instead my mind went into overdrive . Rotating in a noisy cycle were the following thoughts
- I must ask Mr Pencil if he would like a body scrub and wrap
- Should I write about this?
- Stop and enjoy this for God’s sake
- She is using a lot of towels, this is a lot of washing I am creating
- I’m glad I’m not the person who has to clean this room
- I wonder if they employ someone especially to do washing and cleaning
- Do they use fabric softener? They mus?
- Stay in the now, damn it!
- Why do I shout at myself?
- How do people meditate?
- Feel that shower, it’s going to be over soon
- Have I bought all the stationery on Little Pencil’s school list?
- Does the therapist get bored doing her job?
- Does the therapist think I’m fat?
- Shut up brain and let the body relax
- What if the water gets switched off at the mains and I can’t get this mud off my body?
- This is amazing, I wonder if I should do it again
- This is a very expensive shower
- This is wasting a LOT of water
- Some people are homeless
- What am I going to have for dinner?
- Do supermodels get bored having their bodies pampered?
- Why is it that I am so bad at maths
- I think I would like to go overseas this year
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I came out looking exactly the same as I went in. Funny that.
But at least I had decided on what I should have for dinner and I was confident that I had bought everything on the stationery list.
How do you relax? Do you?
