There is a whooping cough epidemic sweeping across Little Pencil’s school. 5 children in his class have had it and who knows how many cases there are in the school. Well actually I do because the school are very diligent and report every case to the patents
In fact they are so diligent that the nurse has briefed them on how to sneeze (into their elbows) when to wash their hands (after meals and on returning to class) . They are so diligent that they have even briefed the children on signs and symptoms to look out for.
It was after this briefing that Little Pencil came home and had serious words with me. “Mom” he said. “ You have a cold.”
I was nonplussed. I do have a cold. You don’t have to be too smart to tell that. My bright red nose and the stream of tissues in my wake puts paid to that. “You need to have a throat swab” he continued “a cold is one of the first symptoms of whooping cough”
He was very serious and quote concerned. He has learned well. And because I am a neurotic hypochondriac who only wants to make her son happy I decided to go to the doctor.
My regular doctor is away and my other regular doctor (see I told you I am a hypochondriac) works too far away for me to be bothered travelling to when I am not feeling great. So, I trotted off to the local medical centre.
Dr Wiki (as I like to refer to her) sat me down and asked me why I was there.
I explained about the whooping cough at school and my symptoms. She asked me if the school had given the children a brochure. They had in fact emailed one to us and I told her so thinking I would get extra health points for having a diligent centre of education for my son. “Do you have it with you? “ she asked. I told her that I didn’t but they were the same as the ones I had seen in the waiting room. I was beginning to wonder why on earth she needed to know which brochure we received when she said “never mind” and started typing on her computer.
I looked over expecting to see something like www.medicaldoctorsonly.com appear on the screen. No such luck. She logged onto Wikipedia. Yes, my doctor logged onto Wikipedia and started to read aloud how you diagnose for whooping cough.
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I almost ran away. Except I couldn’t because I would have bumped into her. She was leaving the room to go and check WITH THE RECEPTIONIST that the facts on Wikipedia were correct. Presumably the receptionist has her own version of Google Doctor running out the front.
Wikipedia, the receptionist and I agreed that she should do a throat swab (the school had told me this) and after convincing her she could do it through my mouth and not the back of my nose we were almost done.
“Do you still have your tonsils?” she asked after peering down my throat with a high beam torch. “Um, take a guess” I countered. She thought that perhaps I may have tonsillitis but I should wait for the results of the throat swab.
I do not have tonsils.
You don’t have to be a hypochondriac to understand why I have a regular doctor whom I can trust. I’ll get the results of the swab from him.
P.S I don’t have a cough