Archives for January 2013

Some people are so clever. Not Lance Armstrong, not even Oprah Winfrey – but the people who made this video.

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I love it. With apologies to the Lance Armstrong fans – for being fans not for posting the video.

Allow me to give you some advice: If you insist on entertaining on the weekend do not do it on a Sunday afternoon for lunch.  The problem with Sunday lunch is that it literally takes the whole week.  Well it does for me.

Monday and Tuesday I spend worrying whether I have invited the right combination of  people. Whether they will talk, like each other, eat the food and go home before dinner.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I am consumed with menu decisions – sometimes I have difficulty sleeping because I can’t decide on which salads to make. It’s quite a serious condition and I have been known to pore over recipe books in bed deliberating for hours and trying to recall past gatherings wondering which salad I made last and who has tasted what before. Do not even start me on dessert. That takes up all my daylight hours. All of them.

Some of Fridays hours are also spent worrying about the weather and alternating between WeatherZone and the BOM hoping for different and sunnier outcomes.

Saturday it starts in earnest – shopping to be done, cooking to be started and house to be cleaned. Although why I clean the house before I cook in it so that I have to clean it again after I have cooked I am not quite sure.  Call me crazy – remember I don’t sleep for worrying over salad.
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Saturday night plans need to be shelved for, I’m not quite sure what – but doing general cooking stuff always seems to take me way into Saturday night.

Oh and then there’s the actual day of the function. Sunday morning is a nightmare. Wake up early morning to clean the house AGAIN and try find a place for the golf clubs that your husband has decided he needs. Oh okay that’s just me and yes, I am a tiny bit bitter – who buys stuff when there is no where to store it and what the hell is wrong with the boot of the car for golf clubs?

Then just when you think you can relax the guests arrive and you have to entertain them and feed them. That takes up all of Sunday afternoon when you are left to clean AGAIN.

Cautionary extra piece of advice: If you have a big party on the Sunday afternoon before a public holiday you will also spend that public holiday cleaning up.  Somehow it just happens.

So my weekend was fun. How was yours?

I’ve often been quite dismissive and even a bit scathing of the very incestuous and extremely tight South African community I have around me.

When Little Pencil was in preschool there were 2 Australians in his class of 20 kids. That’s quite a huge (make that overwhelming) majority of South Africans. And they were pretty intense albeit very lovely – the mothers that is, not the kids. The kids were just lovely.

The very close-knit ex patriot community meant that the kids all had South African accents (did I mention most of the teaching staff were also South African?). My son learned that corn was mielies and mandarins were naartjies, that dinner was supper and that back home was South Africa although he was born in Australia and had spent only 2 weeks of his short life in “that home”.

I was excited to move Little Pencil out of mini South Africa to go to a primary school that was a little more, how do you say, diverse. Granted there’s a fair share of my birth countrymen there but it’s balanced and we’re back to saying mandarins and corn and we now eat dinner every night and giggle slightly when people say supper like its quaint and antiquated.

I still have a lot of South African friends who I love and of course my family will always be South African at heart although most of them live here now. But the distance from that very tight and insular community at pre-school made me a little more intolerant of the very closed South African circle.  There’s a saying that you can sneeze in Bondi and someone in St Ives will bless you – that’s how small the community is, but worse, that’s how much every body knows your business.

I found it stifling. Invasive. I backed away from it – found it loud, aggressive and constricting.
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A couple of weeks ago one of my closest friends suffered a terrible loss, the tragic and seemingly senseless death of her 38 year old sister-in-law in South Africa. She and her family went back to South Africa for the funeral and the customary days of Jewish mourning. When they returned they had a prayer service for their friends and family to express their condolences and pray for the peace of the departed, her family and her 3 very young children.

I didn’t want to go to the service. I had just stepped off a plane, I was in no hurry to face some of the people that I knew would be there and I wasn’t feeling particularly religious (in fact it was the same day I was toying with becoming a Buddhist.) But I love my friend dearly and nothing was going to stop me going to show her my support, to squeeze her hand and just be there if she needed me.

As I stepped into the synagogue where the service was taking place it hit me. This is what the community is all about.  The synagogue was packed, there were literally hundreds of people there. My friend and her husband have very few family members in Australia – maybe 6 people. But there was a synagogue full of people, people that genuinely cared and wanted to be there to do the very same thing I had – to squeeze their hands, to be there to support them and to show them that they are never going to be alone and that they are loved.

In good times and in bad their close-knit,  somewhat incestuous friends were there and it didn’t matter what accents they had or how they were South African more than Australian even though they had lived more of their lives here than there.  It made me feel very grateful to be part of such an amazing community.

I’m definitely going to try be less scathing.

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I always thought the point of holidays was to eat buffet breakfasts, scoff on ice cream at random and varied times and wear ridiculous tie dyed dresses that you invariably think you’ll wear back home but as soon as you hang them in your cupboard you also hang your head in shame. No one wears tie dye dresses to work. Or to pick up the kids from school. Or when they are not at the beach

Mr Pencil says that the point of holidays are to relax and unwind, to do things you normally don’t have the time for and to gain perspective.

If both of us are right I have had a really good holiday. I’ve eaten an inordinate amount of breakfast (in fact the only reason I haven’t put on 5kilos instead of 3 is because I have tooth ache AGAIN)*, I’ve eaten ice cream just because (not related to the tooth ache) and I have worn clothes that are strictly holiday gear.

I’ve relaxed, wound down and I most certainly have new perspective.   In fact I have briefly toyed with the idea of becoming a Buddhist which could be fun considering it’s my son’s Bar Mitzvah year and he’s already telling me he wants the party without the “Jewish stuff”.

And now I’m back.

And while there is nothing fantastic about coming home from holiday – so far I have finished four loads of washing, done the shopping, made a soup and read 87 emails – I am hoping that this time back will be different. I am going to be keeping a little bit of the holiday zen close to me.

In fact, as an act of holiday defiance, I have decided not to change my watch from Singapore time so expect me to be 3 hours early when you see me next.

3 hours early but very mellow.

 

*2013 is turning out to be a very bad year for my teeth but a very good year for my dentist

In what will be news to no one that already knows me I have realised that I have an awful problem, I cannot switch off. I don’t even know where the switch is.

I am in what could well be regarded as paradise – an idyllic resort in a blissfully quiet part of Phuket.  Truly magnificent surroundings, a choice of 3 stunning pools plus my very own plunge pool mere metres away from what could be best described as the most comfortable bed in the world and surrounded by people that I love and that love me in return.

I have seen the hustle and bustle of tourist Phuket, I have swum in spectacular azure waters and I have eaten (way too much) of the most sumptuous food on offer.  I have spent hours reading on the beach, lying at the pool and floating in the sea, I have had massages and a fully body polish and if my body was any more relaxed I would be declared dead.

But my mind is far from dead. It’s been ticking over at it’s normal pace of knots and the thoughts racing around my head are in dire need of a holiday of their own.

That’s just one of the reasons that I am so lucky that I am on holiday with my husband. Aside from having someone to put suntan lotion on my back, pay for all my meals and take care of all the tedious parts of holidaying (he’s an excellent packer and makes plans with seamless precision) he is also my very own personal therapist. And while he doesn’t charge anything he works harder and better than any counselor I have paid in the past. And Lord knows I have paid a fair few therapists in the past. 

But most amazingly after 25 years together Mr Pencil still comes up with insights into my own character that I didn’t even know where part of me.

The other night while trying to still the noises in my head and resisting the huge and almost overwhelming urge to go online and see what was happening at work, correct a typo, give my 2 cents, send a work related tweet (or 40) check on Facebook, organise school stuff for next term, worry about child care next year, even spend a few minutes panicking about my son’s Bar Mitzvah (which is more than a year away) I looked at him with “that” face – the one that says “I will never be able to sleep, I just can’t get close.”

I don’t even know what he was thinking about or how his brilliant neural pathways made the connection but he pointed out to me that my problem that night, and MANY other times comes from the fact that I always “have to be right”.

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Turns out you don’t.  I have always been too quick to respond, in too much of a hurry to make my point, too anxious to make people like me or believe me or maybe just believe IN me.

I have never been good at long term planning – more of a band aid girl rather than a watch and wait type of person. I want to solve everything now and deal with the fall out when it happens (and not a minute later). It’s not working and it’s exhausting me.

I know that sometimes people can see me as aggressive and I never really understood why, I am, in my own mind, the least aggressive human on the planet – I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about the effect I have on people around me and a harrowing amount of time worrying about everyone else’s happiness.  But I do know that I like to make my point – sometimes way too quickly.

Most times I do it to make people think about me in the way I want them to. My husband’s newsflash assured me I was doing the opposite.

 So I am going to take more heed of what Mr Pencil has to say (except when it comes to shopping). I am going to blog more, try and switch off and relax more, think calmly before I respond rather than rushing into it and stop trying to prove to the world that I am right.

It might be uncannily quiet given that my neurosis and on the spot responses make a lot of noise but I am confident that Little Pencil and Mr Pencil will more than make up for that – it’s just that the noise that they make will be better for my head. And in return it will be better for everyone around me.