What’s the deal with bacon?

I don’t get bacon.  Maybe it’s because I am a vegetarian, well actually obviously it’s because I am a vegetarian but even so, before I was a vegetarian I never got bacon. Maybe it’s because I am Jewish and technically I wasn’t supposed to eat bacon.. but I did and I still don’t get this fascination with bacon and bacon related products. And there are a LOT of them

I am assuming, for the sake of my sleep tonight and the fact that I need to pretend that everything is wonderful in a very Pollyanna way, that all this bacon and bacon related flavouring (if it actually contains any real meat) is bred from free range pigs that play in the mud and loll about in fields of mush.  There got that sorted – but can anyone explain this obsession with pig related products?  Seriously take a look at some of the er, delicious bacon products a simple Google search rendered and tell me WHAT IS THE FASCINATION WITH BACON?

Let me set the mood with a scented candle – bacon flavoured of course

bacon_candle

And then we’ll start with a little bacon lip balm, because if you want your lips to be soft and plump but also greasy and meaty there’s this

Image

But what if that bacon scent of your lips isn’t truly masking your breath – could it be that you didn’t brush with this?

Image

and you clearly didn’t floss with this

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Never mind – just pop one of these in your mouth and you’re sweet, er I mean savoury

Image

Okay that’s ridiculous – bacon is mean to be eaten not sucked – so there’s popcorn

bacon popcorn

Popcorn a bit hideous? Try this lolly

maple_bacon_lollipop-xl

Not sweet enough? How about some icing?

Bacon_Frosting

Or why not just squeeze the taste all over everything – with this er, bacon in a tube

bacon squeeze

If for any reason you are worried that you did not start your child on bacon early enough please keep this in mind should you ever decide to have another baby

bacon-formula

 

Because it’s better than this method. Okay maybe it’s not

lilybacon

Seriously, I could go on for ages but I am going to leave you with some bacon sunscreen

bacon sunscreen

while you sit outside and smell the roses (bacon of course)

FIC0YFNGMG2IIW4.LARGE

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Comments

  1. That bacon squeeze looks foul. I am not into bacon-products, but bacon I ADORE. I would rub it all over me. It is salty, crispy and fatty. LOVE. xx

    Ps: I love your pollyanna ways. I wrote about hairstyles today. x

  2. As a once bacon eatter I was ready to defend the pigs honour! But after seeing what you have found I have come to the conclusion that people are idiots!! Are there really people out there who’s dental routine is based around bacon?!? This woul interesting to know! I’m now disgusted!! Haha! Thanks for the insight!

  3. Hilarious! I eat bacon, I like bacon, but I still marvel at, particularly, Twitter’s constant bacon feed. Maybe, I’m just following the bacon obsessed of the world.
    I think I’ll remember those bacon roses FOREVER!
    X

  4. Lana, I weep for humanity. (First I dry reach), then I weep.

    PS I really need to know- how do you block ‘bacon spam’ (:P) from your timeline?

  5. I’m so showing this to my husband when he gets home from work- He LOVES bacon! I can sort of take it or leave it….and after looking at the picture of that “squeeze on” bacon, I might be leaving it for a while!!

  6. Lana, at first I was surprised at your strong negativity towards bacon. It is yummy. I understood the vegetarian thing and the Jewish thing of course. Then I saw the examples of bacon-flavoured products. I am deeply disturbed and probably won’t eat bacon for sometime (although if those bacon roses turned up here out of the blue, they might disappear) xx

  7. Lee-Anne says:

    Goodness, I read and looked with mounting awe and horror at those bacon products – the world is being taken over by bacon!? I really do hope the bacon eaters/users of the world are only consuming free-range piggies, it is a dreadful life if you’re confined to a sow-stall. Fascinating post :)

  8. So glad that this isn’t an issue for me :)

  9. By the way, nice pic of Mr Lederman on the side of your page!

  10. I can’t believe most of these products are real! Bacon-flavoured popcorn? Maybe. Bacon frosting? Bacon breath? The world’s gone mad.

    From my pre-kosher days I have fond memories of bacon. Bacon bacon, not bacon-flavoured-anything-else. Do you know you can buy kosher “bacon” in the kosher meat section of supermarkets? It’s called Facon. Really.

    • Facon goes against all my sensibilities. Sorry, just needed somewhere to vent!!

      • I felt the same way when I heard about kosher fake bacon bits in a jar. I think this product was 100% synthetic. At least facon is real meat (beef, I assume) that resembles bacon. But I totally understand where you’re coming from. I like facon more for its joke value than as an actual food product.

        • Facon was a big thing in South Africa, I loved it before I was a vegetarian. Pretty sure it was actually brisket or something

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