Archives for May 2014

This isn’t going to plan.

May 29, 2014 by Lana 6 Comments

My day as Project Manager of the “big scary” renovation did not go well yesterday. It didnt’ go well at all and even though I constantly complained about how badly it was going, I was not fired.

It started when I went to the empty new house in the morning to meet the wardrobe man for a quote. I didn’t remember whether I was meeting him at 9:00 or 10:00 so I decided to take my laptop and get there early just in case. I tried to use my iPhone as a hotspot when I realised I had 9% battery power and no charger. So I fell asleep (this is my best way of dealing with stress.)

I woke up at 10:40 and the wardrobe company had still not arrived. I tried to call them which is when I realised that I didn’t know their number. Or their name. (I told you I am not a good Project Manager). So, I did what I always do when things don’t go according to plan – I phoned my husband and complained. He phoned the wardrobe company for me, because he had their number, then he phoned me back and told me they were scheduled to come at 2pm.

I had wasted my morning sleeping. Except no sleep is a waste (or so I told myself).
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I had a few things to do before going back to the empty house to meet the joiner so I decided to leave my laptop there and get the stuff done.

I arrived back at empty house just in time to meet the joiner who was coming to quote on the same stuff as the wardrobe man , just half an hour earlier. He arrived with the builder and I felt like I was on top of my game, so much so that when the builder suggested that the joiner take a photo of the plans I said quite emphatically “No, don’t worry about that! Take this copy, I have it on email I don’t need it”.

And as they drove away I realised that it was the only copy I had for the wardrobe man who I was due to meet in 15 minutes. My current house is not far from my new house so I raced home to print the plans again. Except when I got home I realised that my laptop was at the new, empty house.

And that my dear readers, is just part of the reason that I am a very shit project manager and will probably never have cupboards.

Filed Under: Featured, renovation Tagged With: renovation

I’ve been forced to mainline Nutella

May 27, 2014 by Lana 10 Comments

We recently bought a new house for which I am eternally grateful. It is a beautiful home and I can see myself playing with my grandchildren in the garden in billions of years time. That’s how long I plan to live there

We bought this stunning new house for a couple of reasons, one being that I was completely averse and almost criminally opposed to doing a renovation to existing house. I don’t like change, I don’t like mess and I don’t have even a smidge of patience. I also have perceptual problems meaning that I can’t read plans, I can’t imagine finished rooms and I don’t “read” drawings. To top it all I am so bad at math that I’ve developed a pathological hatred towards numbers so when people start talking about 2 metre walls or 1600cm spaces between neighbours I stick my hands over my ears and sing “nyah nyah nyah” (unless someone is watching then I just imagine doing it). I don’t get it.
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Filed Under: Featured, renovation

14 (fairly valid) reasons not to homeschool

May 21, 2014 by Lana 25 Comments

On the weekend I read a report in the newspaper about homeschooling. Well I half read it and half covered my eyes to the horror of it. The article suggested that home-school registrations in Queensland have risen by 234 per cent in the past seven years. And it is believed that close to 85 per cent of children being taught at home are not registered with the Department of Education

I’m not against the idea of homeschooling per se, I am just anti the idea of me doing the homeschooling. In fact I can think of at least 14 reasons why I could never homeschool my own child. Or any child

One of my dog’s favourite parts of the day is taking Little Pencil to school in the car, he treats 8am like the most exciting time in the entire world and jumps up and down excitedly like a mad cyclone as we leave the house. At 8:03 he is fast asleep in the back of the car. If we homeschooled he would miss that intense three minutes of exercise between 8:00 and 8:03.
By the time I get Little Pencil to school I need a coffee and occasionally a snooze. I also need some silence
I hate homework more than most people. I think I can say this quite seriously because for some reason I still don’t understand, I get involved in Little Pencil’s homework so have more reason to hate it than most people
I am the least patient person on earth, This may be related to the point above.
If we homeschooled Little Pencil he would have far fewer friends, holidays would be catastrophic because he’d have no one to play with. Also aren’t holidays for homeschoolers just like term time? You still have to stay at home which is essentially the same place as school
I can’t do math above kindergarten level . In fact I’m not even that great at kindergarten math
I don’t like craft. I especially don’t like craft where children are allowed to do the decorating or the gluing or the writing or any of it
My 13-year old son already thinks he knows everything. How on earth his teacher’s cope with convincing him they know more than he does is a skill that I just don’t have

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I hate mess
I love the fact that Little Pencil has a school uniform so that he doesn’t have to spend hours deciding what to wear. I fear homeschooling would get off to a very late start if he were to decide on his own outfit. Or he would be a nudist
You cannot sit on Facebook and Twitter all day long if you’re supposed to be teaching your child
I don’t like anyone else using my favourite textas
Apparently house cleaning is not on the curriculum so I would feel bad about wasting half of my son’s day

But honestly

14. I would rather run away and join the circus and I HATE circuses

Could you homeschool? Do you have the patience? Can I have some just for homework time PLEASE?

Filed Under: Featured, My Views Tagged With: parenting

It’s nothing like we think it will be

May 15, 2014 by Lana 15 Comments

As you get older the odds are higher, or say they say. The older your group of friends are the more likely you are to experience not just divorce, but disease in your immediate circle.

A lot of my friends have been through divorces but it’s never really been a big deal to me. Maybe because my own parents divorced when I was a child I never thought of divorce as such an “out there” thing to happen. Except maybe for T and J, friends of ours for whom I was Matron of Honour and Mr Pencil was Best Man and they split 6 weeks after their wedding. That was a bit of a shock.

But disease is another thing altogether. Disease happens to my parent’s contemporaries. Older people.

Until I realise that the people I am thinking about as “older people” are actually people my age. I AM older. I’m not the child anymore and nor are my parents in their 50’s anymore like I picture them in my mind’s eye .

Recently an acquaintance of ours was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma, but because we were friendly when Little Pencil was very young and we hardly see them anymore it didn’t seem to close. And maybe it didn’t seem so bad because, although I know it is a cancer, the name didn’t have the dreaded “C word” in it.

But then on the weekend I got an email from a friend of mine. Admittedly I don’t see her as much as I used to (insert very busy and different lives) but in my mind she is my age, her older son is Little Pencil’s age and I remember well when she brought her youngest baby home from the hospital. She wrote to me that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and was having her breast and lymph nodes removed this week.

I touched my breasts in reflex. I went through my mind searching for symptoms.

Not only was my friend the same age as me (almost, she is actually 4 years older) but we were very much the same in terms of neuroses and paranoia. Cancer is something we dreaded happening, not something that actually happened. It was the thing we almost joked about when we had a new bout of hypochondriasis.

I stilled my tears as I read her long email which was written so much like she speaks. Nothing was different. EXCEPT SHE HAD CANCER.

The morning of her surgery she sent an email to her friends listing all the things she was grateful for – including her family and the wonder that is first world modern medicine.

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I wish you could all go visit her. She’s beautiful. And brave. And FUNNY!

I asked her what make up she was using these days because she looks about 24 (BB Cream) , she told me about her drainage bag (made by the Girl Guides) and I stood outside when the nurses cleaned her drains. We chatted about work and ageing and vanity and kids and cancer and how amazing it is that one day after having her breast removed she is off morphine and taking panadol only for the pain.

We spoke about how sometimes the reality of a situation is so much easier to handle than the hideous fantasies that play out in our heads. How we torture ourselves with our thoughts and we don’t give ourselves credit for our strength. In her thoughts a breast cancer diagnosis would have spelt death. In reality we were laughing about the fact that she was on Panadol.

She has a long way to go and she knows that – chemotherapy, radiation, adjusting to life without her right breast but she is still beautiful and despite what she may think she is showing tremendous bravery. And she will get through it.

Maybe growing older brings a perspective we never knew when we were younger.

Maybe getting older allows us to appreciate what we have a little bit more

Maybe writing a letter of gratitude for all that you have instead of all that you want is a gift that comes with age.

Maybe age gives you strength to deal with the reality rather than panic in your mind.

Maybe I still have a lot to learn.

Filed Under: Featured, My Views

An open letter to Coles Supermarkets about caged eggs

May 13, 2014 by Lana 17 Comments

Dear Coles

When you announced that all your Coles branded eggs were going to be free range or barn laid and approved by the RSPCA I applauded you. I thought that as a major supermarket you were going a long way towards improving the welfare of the chickens in Australia. Given you know and understand what a caged chicken goes through you know how important this is.

So I walked into Coles confidently knowing that I was supporting a chain that was making an ethical choice in at least one line on their supermarket shelves. But instead I noticed that your shelves are full of caged eggs. At least three brands that I saw in my local Coles supermarket yesterday.
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Filed Under: Current Affairs, Featured, Food

The difference between living in your house and selling your house

May 10, 2014 by Lana 8 Comments

Over the past week or so I have come to see the very visible difference between living in your house and showing off your house to prospective buyers while living in it.

The house needs to look at its most appealing, surfaces must be clear and there needs to be wide open spaces so that the hordes of people that come to see the house have somewhere to stand without blocking the way for the waiting hordes to come in. There also has to be no sign of actual living.

We are very lucky because our house is beautiful but boy have their been a few things I have had to get used to.
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Filed Under: Featured, My Life

Why is everyone so angry over Mother’s Day?

May 7, 2014 by Lana 27 Comments

I’ve been watching my Twitter and Facebook feeds with interest and increasing agitation over the last week or so. And as we get closer to Mother’s Day it gets worse.

So much grief about a day dedicated to Mother’s. Or Hallmark.

There are the people who make it absolutely clear that, whatever happens, they don’t want to spend any time with their children on Mother’s Day, likewise the people who are adamant that they are not spending Mother’s Day with their own mothers. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Current Affairs, Featured Tagged With: family

When the light shines through

May 4, 2014 by Lana 9 Comments

Worry is part of being a parent. When our children are babies we worry when they don’t sleep, when they are asleep we worry that they are sleeping too much, when they eat we worry about what they are eating when they don’t eat we worry even more.

As they grow up we worry about all the decisions that we make, we worry that we are doing the whole parenting thing wrong, we worry that they will end up angry or spoilt or in therapy or all three.

As they get older we worry about alcohol and drugs and peer pressure and not getting home. We worry about social media and sexual partners and not working hard enough to get the job they want.
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Filed Under: Featured, My Life Tagged With: family, parenting

My week and the huge taste of deliciousness

May 2, 2014 by Lana 8 Comments

It’s been a long and busy week for me, a week that I’ve spent so much time just in awe of people who work full time, blog, stay in touch on social media and have time to still brush their teeth.

I’ve been doing some extra work for Kidspot this week and it’s been bloody fantastic. Possibly one of the highlights was going into the office and meeting some of the team face-to-face. As much as I’ve loved working on my own this past year, I’m prepared and thrilled to say that it’s really uplifting to be part of such a cohesive, committed and generally awesome bunch of women.
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Filed Under: Featured, Food Tagged With: food, the week