I spend a lot of my time online, I read a lot about body acceptance and self love, I read about diet and nutrition mainly because I am always trying to improve mine. Sadly I have yet to find a diet that advocates eating toast and nutella and drinking sweet, milky tea everyday.
The one thing that I have noticed, perhaps as a broad generalisation, is that most of the people who are spouting the “love your self, you are worthy, drop the diet and learn to love your inner beauty” message are of a certain body type themselves. And, to be honest, I am quite sick and tired of size 8 women telling me how I should feel about my size 12 body.
I don’t care if you have a paunch from growing a human inside you, I don’t care if you understand biology, chemistry, health and nutrition. I don’t even care if you are a psychologist who has studied and researched and is the world expert on body image. I don’t find it helpful when you tell me to love my self, to embrace my body, to respect my “temple”. It sounds like hogwash to me.
To love my body I need it to look and feel a certain way, it needs to feel loveable to me. That may not be the same for you or for Michelle Bridges or for Jabba the Hutt but I am not writing on their behalves. I can only write my truth.
I need to lose some weight, cut down on the amount of sugar I eat (I have diabetes so it’s not just faddish, I actually need to do it) I need to follow a diet to help me achieve a better body, a healthier me.
The importance of writing my truth is possibly the reason I can’t bear the skinny crew telling me how to ignore the media’s push to make me hate my body. It is not the images on the billboards or the models on the pages of the glossy magazines that I am looking it, it is the very bodies of the people who are telling me not to listen to the diet industry – to just eat wholesome, nourishing meals, exercise, and be kind to myself. It is the size 8 “genetically blessed” woman who tells me to shun the diet and love myself. I find it hard to listen to her version of the truth imposed on my life even when she reveals her tiny flaw. It just makes me feel worse.
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It’s very similar to the way I feel about the make up free selfie. Seeing that you still look gorgeous without make up on does zero for my own self- esteem. I don’t look at someone’s face and just because they aren’t wearing make up think to myself, “wow how have I been missing how gorgeous I am compared to this plain woman?” Mostly because the beautiful people that take off their make up still look beautiful even if they look like they’re trying not to.
My friend Kerri is vehemently opposed to diets. But I think she’s wrong.
We discussed it here, when she saw my interest piqued by the IQS programme…. Tell me what you think.
Please know that I am not talking about Kerri when I mention the size 8’s. I am talking about a raft of body image advocates and people in the media sprouting the messages of acceptance from their 50kilo frames. I am not talking about Kerri because she never tells me to love my body. But she does tell me not to diet .
Okay. So even though I was a size 12-14 for a long time (and I’m only five foot 3) I can’t say what worked for me. The only people who can comment on the efficacy of a diet are people who HAVEN’T lost weight (and so, by definition, diets haven’t worked for?) I honestly don’t understand.
And I’m NOT genetically blessed. I was overweight when I ate too much and now I’m slim because I don’t. I was NEVER one of those “I can eat pizza all day and not gain weight” types. EVER.
Cross.
I’m a bit with Lana on this one Kerri. I do believe it’s easy for people who don’t struggle with weight/have managed to address the complex issues that lie behind overeating their way to overweightness to tell people who’ve not yet achieved this nirvana ‘don’t diet.’
I’m actually writing a piece at the moment called ‘In Defence of the Diet’. The base premise is this – certain diets (ones like Michelle Bridges’, IQS and even Paleo to a degree {because everyone I know who eats Paleo does it in an 80/20 way}) which encourage people to get back in the kitchen, get away from packets and eat food that is nourishing are good because they help create good new habits around food.
Most of the destructive stuff we do with food is habits based (driven by cravings and emotions). To me it makes sense to tackle the habit initially as that’s easier in the first instance than trying to address the emotional complexities behind eating poorly.
But Kelly if you read MY post you will see that I have struggled with weight issues. A LOT. A LOT A LOT. So whilst I totally accept you and Lana have different opinions, why am I not allowed to express mine because my way actually WORKED for me? (And you’re in great shape too… so why can you talk and I can’t???)
I did read your post – and in it you mention you’ve successfully managed to address the complex issues that lie behind overeating your way to overweightness. This is really hard to do (as you no doubt know).
All I am saying is that it’s a lot to expect of people that, when they’re in the midst of hating themselves for being overweight and having ‘no self-control’, that they also be able to tackle the complex emotional issues behind their over-eating.
From my observations of people who have success with things like Michelle Bridges/IQS/Paleo (by success I mean: have made lasting, positive changes) is that these diets change the way they look at food … change their habits around food … get them feeling good about themselves again … and either eliminates the emotionality around how they ate previously … or opens the door to addressing the emotionality behind the way they ate previously
You make my points better than I do Kelly! xx
YES! I’m the same. At almost 47 it’s not about wanting to look “hot” it’s just about being happy with the person I see in the mirror and being a healthy weight. I feel better when I’m exercising regularly, (trying to) eat less junk and my waistbands aren’t too tight. It annoys me when thin people fart rainbow speeches about loving your body at any size while Instagramming shots of their green smoothies. It’s all very well for THEM. I suspect they would have complete meltdowns if they became overweight.
We ARE twins xxx
Agree with Lana – very confusing! Love yourself, accept what you are but —-sub- optimal and do not feel great when keep eating and look in mirror…, —–but don’t forget….. Love yourself……
Illogical!
Infuriatingly illogical to me xx
I think you’re arguing about different things…
I think there’s a big difference between “Diet” and “Dieting”….
Diet is all about choosing what you eat….
Dieting is about restricting how much you eat…
So I agree with both of you – choosing what you eat is important and valid… but I’m totally against fad diets….
As for me, well I’m like Kerri – I eat what I want when I want, but I also listen to my body and trust myself enough to know when I need to choose to eat differently. I will never ever follow a fad diet.
You listen to your body, I listen to fudge !
I have such a range of friends in all different sizes and those women in their 30s and 40s who are tiny actually hardly eat, and most admit this is why they’re so small. Either that or they exercise all food out of their body. I adore the taste of food too much to do either of those so right now I’m trying to balance how much tasty food I eat.
Me too! I bloody love food! But I don’t love “body image advocates” telling me to love my body 🙂
Hi Lana,
Your posts are coming through at a good time, when I am on line, and on topics I relate to (yay!) I agree with you re. diets – not extreme diets, but I do think many of us often need to retrain the way we think about food. I have never been overweight, technically, but I am a bit heavier than is comfortable, and, probably more importantly, I am also lacking energy.
(Just got distracted on Kerri’s post that popped up, so there is now a lot of overlap with my comments there).
I agree with you that, for some of us, following a process (or ‘diet’, if you like) can retrain your taste and cravings. Sometimes also overcoming those cravings takes a lot of work, so for someone to take the thinking part (what am I going to cook for dinner, etc) out of the equation can help – willpower takes up a lot of mental space!
But I agree with Kerri too (so it seems like a both ways bet) in that, ultimately, you have to take control yourself, and not rely on sometime that lasts a period of time and then ends. It needs to become a habit and ingrained in the way you think and act. Once the cravings are under control, for a slight period, the other issues that drive the eating (emotional issues, bad habits in terms of sleep patterns, whatever) that you KNOW but don’t act on, can also be put into place. And I agree that, ultimately, they will be the things that keep you going, rather than rigidly keeping to a strict diet. But maybe you need the diet first. And (just to throw another perspective in here, because I am writing an essay, clearly), maybe people starting a diet also need to build up their health a bit first (add in, before subtracting – start drinking more water, start ensuring you have more nutrients – either from what you eat or from what you take by tablets − as often people who are losing weight are already undernourished. Don’t get a lot of important proteins, vitamins, etc, from a Big Mac meal!) This seems to help me when I have managed to eat more healthily.
I’m basing my view on my husband (diligently) and me (less diligently) doing the IQS, and two years later, while he will eat limited amounts of desserts or chocolate, he doesn’t have the continued cravings that I have (start on a block of chocolate and i want to finish it. I never got the cravings under control, because I always snuck in some M&Ms, for instance, at work).
I am thinking about this again at the moment because I am doing more exercise than usual (I saw your comment re. Bianca starting Oxfam – and I have the 100km Oxfam Trailwalker event in about 4 weeks, gulp) which is making this even more important, as it is tiring (but unhealthy food doesn’t help with the energy needs – peaks and troughs in energy and emotion instead). But I am tired (see training – will be glad when the event I am training for is over) and so following a ‘diet’ can help get back on track. Incidentally, there is a similarity with healthier or thinner people (from a diet change perspective), and improving fitness when surrounded by fit people – I really appreciate their encouragement to ‘just keep going up that hill’, but it’s not that easy! (I do have to put some other mind tricks into play). Probably smokers find my view (that I try not to say) of ‘why don’t you just quit’ equally annoying.
The only time I have lost weight is when I backpacked in Europe – because I limited what I ate (on a tight budget and preferred to use the money for experiences instead) and when I went through a pretty severe anxiety period about three years ago − lost 14 kgs (which was too much), and because I couldn’t actually cope with food, the thought made me sick (so really poor health, dizzy, etc). Obviously a bad way to do it (and not intended, of course). Otherwise, always weigh a bit more than I ideally would like, from an energy and from a self confidence perspective. And that’s because I haven’t trained my taste buds / cravings to be satisfied with a reasonable, but not excessive amount of sugar, etc, and also to crave more vegies, unprocessed grains and the like.
I guess the main thing is learning and then continuing, to eat well. Or as Michael Pollan says: ‘Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants’. So however you get there, that’s the aim, I think.
You see now Helen I want you to be my dietitian!!!
Wait until I practice what I preach! (I’m currently sitting at work after back to back meetings, drinking a diet coke and eating a cherry ripe. And I wonder why I haven’t lost weight?) Back to training my taste buds (once I finish these things first!)
This such a tough one, because I think even the tiniest or naturally slim women face their own weight or ‘problem’ areas. I am yet to find anyone (including my gym junkie, toned and tiny friends) that are completely happy with themselves. It’s either they need to work on their legs, or their tummies, or their arms, or they need more definition, or shoulder extension and bla bla bla…
Having said that, I am with both you and Kerri on various points. I think a ‘diet’ doesn’t work for the long term, particularly if you love food (like me). I have managed to lose weight through diets on a few occasions and sometimes I manage to keep it off but inevitably put at least some of it back on because diets are restrictive and every human being has moments of weakness. Unless you make a pact with yourself that you are going to diet forever – that the way you ate to lose weight will be a part of your long-term food-future – then it will only be a matter of time before you gain it again… and there continues the vicious cycle.
The way I have managed to keep my weight off long-term is through lifestyle change, like Kerri in a way, because I am also not a naturally slim woman, I have to work at it. At one point I made a conscious decision to stop complaining about my fluctuating weight and actually do something about it. I wanted to be my best self ALL THE TIME. I LOVE sugar and LOVE bread and LOVE food but I LOVE myself more and that’s why I don’t eat badly on most days… only some. But I will NEVER eradicate the things in my life that give me high-calorie-pleasure completely (hello chocolate) because that ‘s not actually living.
With all this in mind (sorry for the long comment) it is not as easy as just saying “eat what you want, just know your limits”. It’s a major psychological hurdle to have to overcome. Knowing when to treat yourself, finding foods low in calories that you LOVE (which is really important. I eat lots of avocado and smoked salmon and cottage cheese because I adore it) and you’ll feel the difference when the weight comes off and it will encourage you to maintain that lifestyle.
Could it be as simple as this: love your body if you are happy with it’s size (some girls I know are genuinely happy being larger and they exercise and feel great) and if you aren’t happy, then make a promise to yourself to change your lifestyle, and treat it as that and not a ‘diet’.
I love your long comment – I realise I have a lot of psychological work to do and I know that I need to actually do it, but Lord I wish I could eat while I was doing it xx
I have been on diets in the past Lana/Kerri and always managed to regain the lost kg’s.
Last year in RSA we had coffee with a friend, and her SO had lost 20kg cutting carbs and sugar. We thought about it for 5 seconds and decided we could not give up my bread etc. We decided to “ditch the carbs” early in January and to date we are down 9kg. No hunger pains, more energy, clothes fitting better and still having the odd carbs/sugar for a treat.
Not once have we wavered and gone back to previous eating habits and now saving $$$ by not buying processed foods.
Next plane trip will be less cramped. 🙂
xxx
Good on you Lorraine!! I could not go back to South Africa without eating a chelsea bun, a proper donut, a toasted almond croissant and hot chips from The Dolls House. And so you can see my problem xxx
Can I be a size 8 that agrees with you Lana?
I’ve never struggled with my weight (because genes) but I’ve been on a whole heap of diets because I have a chronically sweet tooth (sweet teeth. They’re all sweet) and I eat a lot of junk.
I don’t go on diets because I need to lose weight and I want to “love my body” – I go on diets to reset my brain and be more conscious about the food I’m putting into my body. I want to feel healthy.
I’ve done the liver cleanse and I’ve quit sugar (this was pre-Sarah Wilson. I swear I eat sugar today just to make a stand against her. Not a fan.) and most recently I did the 12 week body challenge. Each time I’ve learnt new things about food and I’ve kept a lot of the elements of those diets in my cooking today. Most of my dinners now are from the 12wbt because they were yum – I just eat larger portions.
I don’t have any self control. I need a helping hand to keep me on track. That’s what a diet is to me. It’s just too simplified to say “you know how to eat properly, just don’t eat shit”
(I’ll admit however, that I don’t restrict myself if I have a craving. If I get it into my head that I want a biscuit, I will not be satisfied until I have a biscuit. So I always have the biscuit. But just one. That’s my way of exercising self control. I have a tiny bit of whatever I’m craving, just to make my brain shut up and then I go back to eating properly. It’s the only way I can do it without becoming miserable.)
Oh I admire the person who can have just one biscuit. I am a packet of biscuits type of girl – but your comment makes so much sense I am prepared to forgive you xx
So you would have felt exactly the same way I did when Miranda Kerr released that book about ‘treasuring’ yourself? F&cking hell lovechops, I’d be treasuring myself sick if I looked the way you do…
Cannot tell you how much I hated that book
Okay, as someone who is quite short it doesn’t take a lot of weight gain for me to be uncomfortable and overweight. I don’t lobe my body when I get friction burn on my thighs and no amount of body acceptance will change that for me.
My issue with diets is that I don’t believe they do teach you, ostensibly Michelle Bridges diet is about that, but every single person I know that has been on it does the program more than once. IF it was teaching you how to build the habits for yourself why would people need to repeat the program?
For me the best way to not only control my weight but to also deal with learning the difference between hunger and food desire, (while still leaving room to eat for pleasure because food for me is about pleasure and community and culture not just sustenance) is to have a food tracking app on my phone and log everything I eat for a few weeks making sure my calorie intake is lower than my energy output. It can also be good to examine why you are eating, is it lunch or did someone on twitter piss you off?
Is it harder than jumping on a diet and doing as you are told? Sure is, but if you want a lasting connection to understanding your body it’s going to work far better than following a program.
If you’re going to follow a program the you need to be sure you’re really going to build healthy habits (but you’re probably just going to be trained in denial) before you fork out that amount of cash.
The thing about the Michelle Bridges diet that is so awesome and is the reason so many people do it more than once (and I know people who don’t even do it to lose weight – you can choose a non weight loss version) is that the meal planning is soooo good and her recipes are seriously delicious. Seriously.
But I also believe that food logging is a brilliant – I am often shocked at what I have entered. I need to start doing that again. Thank you for the reminder!!!