I always thought that this house we live in now would be our forever home, I love this place and the thought of ever moving again fills me with panic and dread. But there have been a couple of days over the last week where I have thought that if something happened to my dog we’d have to move. I don’t know if I could live here without him.
It was the two days that Henry was not home. The two days that he has spent at the vet.
Yesterday he had surgery to remove an anal sac tumour. It’s as bad as it sounds. The type of tumour and the general prognosis is worse but thankfully not for Henry. Last week an ultrasound and x-ray showed that it hasn’t spread. Its subsequent removal and removal of the tissue around it will ensure that it doesn’t.
He is going to be okay but I have been a mess.
I’ve tried to pretend it wasn’t happening by refusing to talk about it and instead just lying on my bed with Henry forced into my arms (he would rather lie by himself at the foot of the bed) and telling him how much I love him. I have pretended to live normally but I haven’t felt normal and I’ve hardly slept. Tensions have been high in our home. I am not alone in my unwavering and unending love for him.
The days when Henry was not at home the very air in the house felt different, vacant and empty like the love had been sucked out of the place and all that was left was the memory of the dog that made us a family. Without him running to the door or following me around the house it felt like I was not at home. I was just in a place with walls and floors and furniture. My heart was at the vet without me.
I know I am not alone in the way I love my dog, my husband and son have been pretty messy this week too – not just without him at times but, with the worry of the prognosis and what it may entail.
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My sweet, gorgeous and compassionate child said to me one morning with tears streaming down his face, “what happens if something really bad happens to Henry, you’ll cry so much”. He’s right. I know that he is as worried about me as he is about the dog and I marvel at how in touch with me he is and how much he cares about me (I think the dog taught him that).
I am well aware that Henry is not a person, but he has brought me as much happiness, joy and love as if he were my own flesh and blood. Too me he is love as it should be – uncomplicated, unquestioning and consistent. He is love with personality and understanding. With acceptance and fidelity and without hesitation.
He is an intrinsic part of who we are, he is the family member that has best taught Little Pencil patience, sharing and the fact that sometimes others needs come before his own. In fact the other night when I was driving home a car full of boys ones of them said to me “Ethan is the only only-child who shares and doesn’t act like an only child”. “That’s because he’s not”, I countered and a collective groan from the back of the car had four boys chiming “don’t forget about Henry”.
Henry has made our house a home and I never want to spend another day without him in it.
Right now he’s sore, he’s groggy, he’s swollen and his bottom looks like a baboon. But he’s home and the cancer hasn’t spread. I can breathe again and I am not leaving the house for a while.
Signed from my bed where I am lying with Henry curled up to my side. (Thinking of my beautiful friend Annie and her dog Sammy who has also had a hideous week but supported me without fail every single day).
I bet it’s heartbreaking seeing him in pain, love and light to him and you! x
Thanks Emily xx
Our cats are 11 and 12 respectively, and facing the uncomfortable truth that we only have a few more years with them… so, I’ll love them even more while they’re still with us. 🙂
I couldn’t love Henry more if I tried 😉
I’ve known Henry for as long as I’ve known you.. Made me sad reading this post too. Much love to all for a good recovery xx
Thanks Denyse xx
I have his girl-twin and I feel your pain. Try not to think about what might happen and enjoy the ‘now’. (Advice from a fellow ‘anxious’ who only ever thinks about what might happen).
I hate the way you think in that it’s exactly the same way I think xxx
Oh how did I miss this? Poor Henry and poor you Lana. Big hugs and I’m glad Henry is home now xx
I haven’t mentioned it online before – so easy to miss, but thank you xx
And the possum is safe and sound too xxxx
It was a kitten. xx
Oh I get it. Our dogs are an important part of how our family even functions. We had to let go of my husband’s old lady last year and it was terrible. I have lost dogs to cancer in the past (I actually had chemo therapy for them too) and have faced people who did not quite understand the deep grief about them passing.. Very glad to hear Harry has been lucky. It is obvious how much he means to you. And you are his world! Of course. X
Thank you Nikki and I am sorry for the loss of the dogs in your past xxxx
I had a feeling a couple of days ago that something was wrong. I think you touched on it a little in a post. I cannot tell you how sad it makes me feel. Henry is your other child, he just has curlier fur. I hope he gets well and that you and your family do too. I can do nothing else but send cyber hugs to all of you and all my love.
Thank you Leonie xx
Oh Henry! So glad you caught it early, Lana. I’ve been through the process of saying goodbye to our dogs when growing up, and it is so hard. Our Rosie is now nearly 12 – our first child, really – and at some point, she will get to this stage too. I’m trying to focus on how blessed we’ve been to have her, rather than worry about no more Rosie (because, even if we get another dog, there will never be another Rosie). Love to you all x
Thank you Helen and I know what you mean about Rosie, keep focusing on how much love she’s brought you while she’s still bringing it to you xxx
Oh I cried reading this! So happy to hear that Henry will be okay. I have a dog who is my soul mate too xx
Give him a hug for me xxx
I get it. Pets ARE family. They teach us so much and they give so unconditionally. I know I will be a mess when our older dog passes away eventually. I can’t even think about it. I think she’ll just have to live forever. I know FOR SURE that my husband will grieve harder than anyone. Just knowing that is hard!
So glad Henry is OK – those furry little things really get into your heart, don’t they? x
He IS my heart and when you talk about your husband’s feelings toward the dog I know exactly how you feel – my husband’s love of Henry is legendary xxx
Oh Lana, I so get this… I write with my Maxi keeping my feet warm. Give Henry a big mooshy hug hello from me xx
Thank you Sonia – and give one to Maxi from me xx
Poor Henry. Lucky he has such a caring Mum. That’s the only bad thing about having animals; their life spans are too short. I’m just like you.
Thanks Pinky – the short life span and the inability to understand that we are trying to make him better not torture him are definitely the pitfalls
Lana you are so right pets are family and the loss can be deeply heartfelt and devastating.
In 1987 I had a beautiful Blue Heeler / Staffordshire Terrier cross. He was the runt of his litter but stubborn and tenacious and he was the one that was going to be mine from that litter. I named him Jacko because like the famous Australian Rules Footballer of the time he was truly an individual. His mother was my girlfriends dog.
One night when he was about 8 months old I came home from work to find the gates on our house ripped off and with a sickening feeling raced into the back yard to find Jacko’s mother had been bludgeoned to death with a hammer and Jacko gone. She had gone to protect her pup. I called the Police and I have to say that they were fantastic even for almost 30 years ago because of the brutality they sent detectives and even a forensic team to take samples.
The Police were almost certain that someone had seen me walking the dog and had waited until he was just old enough and had stolen him to be used in illegal dogfighting that was rampant at the time but naïve me knew nothing about. I never saw him again.
I was so distressed it took to 2005 when my son who was 5 at the time really wanted a pup for me to think about getting a dog again. So we bought Jessie a Kelpie that has a bit of something else in her because she has white feet. Then two years ago we bought Jade to keep her company, another Kelpie. To watch their interaction is fascinating and their love and loyalty is incredible. They’re not inside dogs because they’re far to manic and actually don’t like being inside. They are so special.
A few months ago we got a new neighbour who hates dogs. he goes out of his way to agitate and antagonise my dogs so that they bark. I have spoken to him several times about his behaviour and asked him to come to my back yard and get to know them so that they know him and his smell. He flat our refused. So I began filming his antics. He went to the local council with two complaints but his “diary” was proven false because on several of the days that he said the dogs were barking I had taken them to my parents home and they were filmed there. Then several weeks ago I raced up the street and returned 5minutes later to see Jade out in the street about to run away. I called to her and she sheepishly came to me. I live on a corner so I walked up to the gate to find that it had been kicked in and the pad bolts broken less than 5 minutes later the dog catcher drove into my street. By this time I had secured my dogs and called the dog catcher over. I showed him the gate and asked him for the name of the person who reported the roaming kelpies. He didn’t say the words but glanced at the neighbours house. So he took photos and made a file note because if they are ever loose again it will be from a similar occurrence. I have higher fences and concreted around the bottom of the fence to ensure the dogs cannot dig under.
I felt sick to the pit of my stomach that someone could deliberately do this and I decided that I wasn’t going to live through the Jacko thing again so as the gate had been broken deliberately and criminally I reported a break and enter to the Police and they came out with the van and I made sure he saw the Police car. I told him that I was installing a security camera overlooking the gate and any damage to the fence the footage would go to the Police. I feel terrible having to live like this because the dogs are pretty quiet and on several occasions prevented break-ins in our houses in the street and damage to cars by barking..
Like you with Henry if I lost Jessie and Jade I’d be heartbroken.
Your stories made me cry. Keep Jessie and Jade (and yourself) safe and loved
Hi Lana, sorry I made you cry. It wasn’t my intention I just wanted to show that I understand what you went through with Henry being ill and out the home. I will keep my dogs safe and yes they are very loved. They love me back in bucket loads. I have a garden seat in my rear yard. Its my contemplation chair and when I sit on the chair the dogs sense my mood and if I’m down and flat they jump up and sit on either side of me and rest their heads on me. Its very comforting. I bet Henry can read your mood and the moods of your husband and son.
Yep, pets are family. Pets make the house a home and that’s is where our hearts *lie*.
This really rings home with me, I have 4 fur kids, without them my life would not be the same. I hope Henry recovers quickly xx
Thank you Nicole xxx