Just when I thought my days as a helicopter mother were over the police have informed me that I should continue. And I am nothing if not law abiding.
As far as labels go I never had a problem with “helicopter parent”. I know it’s got a bad rap in the press and I’m sure that there are studies that have shown kids whose parents hover are less resilient or don’t manage on their own as adults or some version of that. Just as I am certain there are studies that show that kids whose parents are present and involved feel loved and secured and are better at relationships when they enter adulthood. I guess it depends on how you interpret hover…
Now my son is 15 the impulse to loiter around has lessened, mainly because he’s shown clearly that all my years of hovering worked, and now he’s old enough, able enough and independent enough to do most things without his parents looking over his shoulder.
But he’s 15. Right on that age where talk turns to drink, especially when parties or Saturday nights come up. Especially when hormones are raging and teenagers are doing what they do best – acting recklessly and without thought to the future.
There are thousands of would be experts who tell you how to parent your children, what to do at parties where alcohol is involved, how much to trust your children, not to trust your children etc. They will tell you they drank when they were 15 and they will remind you that you did too. They will tell you what they plan to do when their kids get to this age or what they did when their kids were this age. They will all talk loudly and assure you that they alone are right.
But, if you are as lucky as I was, you will go to a school meeting where a policeman will talk to you about teens, alcohol and drugs. She will tell you horror stories about drugs being laced with dishwashing powder and ice, she will talk to you about kids drinking at 12 years old but she will also reassure you that not all kids drink. In fact statistics show that almost one in five Year 10 students have never drunk alcohol and while many young people try a drink in Year 9, their boundary pushing behaviour calms at years 10-12. In regards to alcohol at least.
If you are lucky the policeman will allow the school counsellor to tell you about what’s been going on at your own school and how most years show the same pattern in interest in alcohol and drinking. She will remind you what alcohol does to the teenage brain and how teen drinking can cause severe changes, affecting the formation of adult personality and behaviour. She will make you think about if you hadn’t drunk when you were younger. Would you be the same person you are now? Could you have done better?
The policeman will remind you that in terms of the law and teenage drinking there are no shades of grey. While your teen may try to show you the fuzz around the edges and point out loopholes and friends who are doing it differently, the law is black and white.
But most importantly is the advice the policeman will give you:
Be there
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Be in their faces
Be in their lives
Drop them at the party
Pick them up from the party
Talk to them
Take the pressure off them and say no for them
They are still kids, they need to be parented.
I have chosen to listen to the police advice above all the other noise I’ve encountered along the way. I’m law abiding like that.
I may have to adjust the way I hover but it doesn’t mean I have to stop being involved.