It was quite some time ago that we put in an application to Council to renovate our home. I had heard all the horror stories (why is it that everybody has a horror story to tell you about their development application?) but I was quietly confident (okay not so quietly) that ours would be different. I thought that all the people who complained had just been difficult, they had been pushy or they had wanted to build stainless steel towers on heritage listed sewerage plants or the like
So we got our draftsman Carolyn to submit the diagrams and ever so quickly the council sent out letters inviting our neighbours to find fault with us and our vision for our home. I knew that this was going to happen so I had been very busy, I baked a cake for one neighbour, got another out of a sticky situation that I am sure she would be horrified to have made public, I made sure I smiled at everybody when I walked the dog – even the very odd man whose cat my dog would like to eat. In essence I charmed all my neighbours into submission and it worked a treat. No objections were lodged.
And then the wait began.
Carolyn begged urged me to let Council just do their job and not to harass them.
So I waited, and I waited some more.
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If I was not allowed to nag Council Lady I decided to nag Carolyn instead. Now the truth is that Carolyn is not only my draftsperson, colourist and interior designer but she is also the mother of Little Pencil’s best friend. So I nagged her at social gatherings, I nagged her in the school pick up line, I nagged her at the gym, I nagged her on the phone and soon Carolyn informed me that she was going away FOR 2 MONTHS (my nagging can have that affect on some people).
It seemed that I had lost a friend and nagging ear to an overseas trip so I did what anyone would do in my situation – I decided to make a new friend. One that just so happened to be in charge of my Development Application at the Council. I phoned DA Lady and introduced myself. I think I may have got off on the wrong footing when I introduced myself as a person who would very much like a swimming pool. But, I persisted and the conversation became easier and although I was really trying to appear light and friendly, inwardly I was sending strong begging signals down the phone line.
My calls to her became more and more frequent and more and more frustrating. If there is such a thing as repetitive speech syndrome, DA Lady has it. Every time I call we go through the same thing. I introduce myself, we chat about the weather and the weekend and then she tells me my application is ninth on the list. Every. Single. Time that I speak to her she tells me I am ninth on the list. I explain patiently that she told me I was ninth on the list 2 months ago , 3 weeks ago, 2 weeks ago and she says yes, you are ninth on the list and I will try to get to it this week.
It has been 4 months since we moved into ninth on the list. I have chosen the tiles, I have selected the new bathroom fixtures, I have almost decided on a wallpaper for the dining room. It is very comfortable here at number nine. The only thing is that it’s not great for entertaining and that really was the whole purpose of the renovation.
Have you ever been stuck in a council loop, a bad communication loop, any loop? Do you know how I can break DA Lady out of her repetitive speech syndrome?
I know a guy…. you just give him some money in an envelope and your DA is approved. It’s the weirdest thing…..
It could be worse. At least you are Top 10. In fact, today you are Cheryl Cole, according to top40-charts.com.
There is no way to break Council Lady. She has been saying ‘you are ninth on the list’ to people on the phone for 20 years minimum. You are an amateur by comparison. All you can do is wait. And hope she doesn’t lose your DA just to annoy you.
Good luck!
That’s so frustrating! We are waiting to renovate too – it all went along really smoothly until now. We were told we’d have our working drawings before Christmas. Then we were told they’d definitely be done by mid-February. And now they are saying mid-April.
Meanwhile, we have a builder ready and waiting to start, the money is arranged, everything is ready except we have NO DRAWINGS. Grrrrrr
I work in local government, and trust me, there is no way to break DA lady.
However, you could break people 1-8. My bet one of them submitted shitty plans with only half the details, and they are holding up your approval, not the actual DA lady. Find out their names, and break their legs…or their dreams to renovate.
As an employee of a council, I highly recommend not making hourly phone calls, as it really does make me less likely to move you up positions, thank you ‘man who gives me his life story every day’.
Ah – I am not giving her my life story (although she does give me hers) but I was thinking it should not matter. All applications should be processed according to some kind of fair and equitable system. I don’t want to be bumped up I just want her to get to my application. And in return for that I will stop calling her 🙂
Makes me very pleased I didn’t go ahead with a reno and moved house instead 🙂
My husband is a town planner (he spends lots of time talking, lunching, golfing with etc DA ladies/men) – you will not break the DA lady.
Best bet is to just ring once a fortnight just to “see how it is getting on. I know how busy you are”.
Don’t call weekly/daily/hourly or you shall forever be 9th.
Good luck!!
Surely I should be assessed on merit and not the amount of times I call. If I call often will they really take longer to process my application? Shit. I better shut up soon
xxx
Lol I love the bribery recommendation.
I am so sorry you are going through this but as an Interior Designer I see it so often. No matter how subtle you think your calls are. Or how smooth your sweet talk is – I’m afraid you are as obvious as.
There is nothing you can do but wait impatiently.
Take up a hobby – maybe twitter or chatting on a Decorating Forum lol.
You know I don’t mind being obvious at all. I just want not to be ninth for months on end.
In the meantime I continue to get great ideas from the Decorating Forum
Well, ninth is better than 19th- though admittedly not nearly as good as third. But you know what? You will have forgotten all this as you while happy summer days away around and in your beautiful pool. Even if that is in 2018.