Mr Pencil told me the other day that he loves Tiger Woods. Like really loves him. He didn’t say “I love the way Tiger hits the ball” or “I love watching Tiger’s swing” or even “I admire a man who can sleep with 14 women and not get caught on woman number 2”. No, he just plainly loves everything about him. He doesn’t even know him so I found that weird.
I began to think that maybe he was having a bit of a mid-life crisis.
- He recently bought a fancy new car
- We are about to do a major renovation to the house
- He has bought a surprising number of new clothes lately
- He owns 28 pairs of shoes (Fact!) and still needs to buy new ones all the time
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Surely this can only point to one thing. He is having a mid-life crisis
And then yesterday the final piece of the puzzle fell into place.
Mr Pencil insisted that we all get scooters.
He went off to the toy shop (he insists it was a sports equipment shop) and bought 3 razors. One for my 9 year old son which is perfect but the one for the 41 year old mum and the 42 year old dad – a bit odd.
And then it got worse.
Today he insisted that we go scootering as a family. He is a very stressed individual, he rarely takes time off work and he never has time for exercise. So, given that he has taken some leave (to keep me in check) and today was a glorious, day we set off with our scooters to travel Bronte to Bondi and back again.
I have done this walk hundreds of times. He has done it many times. I told him there were too many stairs. He told me there were none. I told him that it was a uneven, jagged, coarse, rocky, stony surface (I used lots of words to try denote rough) . He laughed.
So we got there and it was simply magnificent. To look at. If you don’t mind stairs and rough ground (oh and also unspeakably beautiful ocean views). Little Pencil raced off doing wheelies and ollies and all manner of tricks, Mr Pencil was pretty nimble and I was a little more hesitant. Okay. I was a lot more hesitant. But I needed to hesitate to point out how many stairs there were and how rough the ground was (and how petrified I was every time I gathered a tiny bit of speed).
I thought I was pretty fit but it turns out I am not scooter fit. My right leg hurt like hell from placing all my weight on it and my arms hurt like hell from having to carry the scooter up and down all the bloody stairs. I was very worried that I might fall off the scooter and bruise my ego. I was also off the scale terrified watching Little Pencil coast down ravines* at a speed that was inconsistent with being human. I was hot (not just because I was wearing a jumper and it was about 28 degrees) and I was very, very bothered.
The setting was magnificent and it was awesome to spend the day outdoors with my two favourite boys. I am obviously delighted that my husband does not have 14 lovers (at least not that I know of) but I really wish he had chosen to buy me a diamond bracelet to celebrate his mid life crisis. This scooter – I don’t think it’s going to get much more of a run
*Okay they were ramps but they were extremely steep
Oh dear. It could have been worse…but I’m not sure how. Maybe if he’d bought you each a convertible…or a blonde?
Mr6 is a mad scooterer (scooter? scoot guy?) and Mr3 is madly trying to catch up. Me? Not so much.
Good luck with it. And just make sure you switch legs occasionally – it would be unseemly to end up with one MUCH musclier than the other.
Why don’t men listen when we tell them these things? WHY???
I’ve used the 6yo’s scooter at the park a couple of times, and as soon as I read you were doing Bondi/Bronte, my right leg began to ache in sympathy.
I agree with lifeinapinkfibro – switch legs. Gorgeous calf muscles on one, and not the other? Weird.
Mr. Pencil has 28 pairs of shoes!? Holy Imelda Marcos Batman, me thinks he may finally be coming out…not that there is anything wrong with that of course!
What a glorious place to do that though. Bumps & stairs aside – how lucky are we to have such a beautiful country to live in with such magnificent weather and scenery?
Ok – now for the real stuff – I would have felt exactly like you! Scootering is for children and men going through mid life crises. Women like to walk, run or even bicycle – but scooters – no! It’s not our thing. I think the diamond bracelet would have been much more appropriate. Men … !! But we still love them lol.
Having had a traumatic scooter related incident myself, you have my heartfelt sympathy. And I won’t comment on the shoe collection…….even though I really want to!
Yes well…
Bondi to Bronte is beautiful, scooter or not, so I am sure you had a nice time even if you were wearing a jumper on a hot day (not so smart).
As for your husband’s mid life crisis – there could be other explanations. Maybe the car isn’t so new or so fancy; Maybe he is doing the renovation because you want it so bad; He might have put on a bit of weight and feel a bit silly in his old clothes. And as for the shoes, who can ever have too many pairs?