I am not trying to be The Grinch and I am not out to insult Christmas shoppers. In fact, I’m trying to help them because even though I don’t celebrate Christmas I do have occasion to go to the shops in December. And I think Christmas shoppers need a little, er guidance so that I can be a lot um, quicker.
I spend quite a lot of time at the shops because I buy Christmas presents for every adult that comes into contact with Little Pencil during the year (but that is a post for another day). But, because my fellow shoppers seem to have no idea what they are doing, I am forced to spend a lot more time at the shop then I am entirely comfortable with
And so I have compiled a list of Christmas shopping guidelines to help out all the Christmas shoppers. Here you go:
- Shop online
- Do not stand and examine your purchases at the bottom of the escalator. Examine them in the shop, preferably before you buy them and definitely before you get them gift wrapped
- Do not try and span your family and friends across the entire walking path. I am not suggesting that you walk in single file. Wait. Actually I am.
- Do not sing along to the carols. It irritates the people around you and makes you seem slightly insane
- Do not give your parcels their own seats in the coffee shop. Just don’t. Such a close relationship with something that you are going to give away is not good for you
- Do not make a big production about the colour ribbon the assistant chooses to use on the gift you are giving away. Remember – you are giving it away. And you don’t get to keep the ribbon.
- Do not attempt to pay for your Christmas gifts with the coins from your children’s piggy banks (unless you have counted out the money at home and placed it in bank bags in handy denominations). Even if they are buying the present for their sibling or for you – help them out with real money
- Do not write your Christmas cards at the counter where you are paying. Ever. Even if it is a birthday card
- If you are going to buy a whole lot of gift vouchers in varying denominations for an array of different people – bring a clear list that you have prepared at home. And stick to it
- Remember that the shop assistants do not know what your uncle wants. It is likely that they have never met your uncle
- Shop in November. Early November
Not only discount levitra rx that in many instances these symptoms are common. With these risks in brain, many women prefer to seek natural More Info online levitra options to breast implants. They all act as viagra 50 mg libido boosters and target the offending problem in specific ways. The start off of the medicine in the metabolism level multiplies the slaughter flow to viagra uk online the penis enhancement tissues.
Any rules that you can add? Any hideous shopping experiences that you want to unload?
Oh, am breathing in unison SP…YES. YES. and here’s some more:
12. Walk on the left – this means NO bumping, if everyone stays on the left, then going one way, and back again, all good…This applies Jan-Dec.
13. Leave your biggest show-off special Fred and Uncles Pram/come Bed/Come Mini Moke AT HOME with the child that MUST go in it too..with a Grandma (yes, Ok I will babysit) or a Nanny…or someone responsible, not the 11 year old who has just started school hols and watched MTV from noon till night. I know, that’s a rant for another time, MTV and the content. …mmmm
14. WHY, oh WHY, are you buying for nieces, nephews, nextdoor neighbours’ kids…it’s RIDICULOUS and the biggest waste of money because their parents (ahem Santa) will have indulged them, the grandparents (who, me??) also, so DITCH this habit and you could even have a holiday on Dunk Island with the savings.
15. THINK before you go out…why? oh, and Make a List (Santa does) because if you are in any way a distractable person you will become ENTRANCED & OVERWHELMED at the NEW, BRIGHT,SHINY stuff which costs about 15X the price you’d budgetted for because you walked blindly into a shop whose name starts with “kicking k” or “sm”& got sucked in.
Go, get out before you spend $39.95 on a mid sized notebook (saw it today) when the stores starting with B and T and K have them for, oh about $5.95
16. WEAR comfy shoes IF you are indulging in this event called Christmas Shopping in the month of December. Why? Oh, maybe then you can get out of my way more quickly when I am:
– armed with a very small list
– know the exact shops I will visit because I have PLANNED what I will buy
– walking into the shop, and finding said items in their correct place (ok this is fantasy)
– queuing in the one queue which never has a “price check” or even a queue
– racing to the best place I know – C O F F E E S H O P
aaaaaaaahhhhhhh That’s better. Merry Christmas? Look out for Boxing Day or day after sales. Another post, I suspect, SP!
I think these rules need to be put on giant posters and plastered in every shopping centre and mall in the country.
Don’t shop. Isn’t that what Santa is for? But if you must, go really early. Like before opening. Have a reviving coffee then get in and get out and try to put the whole ugly experience behind you. Tis the season to be jolly …
Ummmmm like a thousand!
I used to be one of those annoying cows who had all of her Xmas shopping done at the July sales. Now, well now I just don’t have it in me. The layby-ing, the giving a shit, I just don’t know where it has gone.
I will be the mad lady 2 days before Christmas, filling a trolley and dumping to car scarily often. I have made a list of who I have to buy for (not including my kids) and it scares the shit out of me. Everyone loves a giftcard yes??
My tip – Do not sign up for the Myer One card on the busiest fucking day of the year. Just don’t. People are waiting.
Remember that sales assitants are working their arses off at the moment so please don’t be rude if they are being nice to you.
Also buy stuff you know they will like so they won’t have to do all the refunds after Christmas.
I cannot help but sing along to ‘All I Want For Xmas’. And I’m Jewish. *hangs head in profound shame*
I’ve forgotten – what hss buying heaps of things for other people got to do with that baby born all those years ago? And who the hell was he anyway? And who the f##k is the guy in the red suit? And further are these things just an evil campaign to make us all poor and somebody else rich?
Bah humbug!