My son ran the cross country today and I am exhausted.
I rushed to the field to watch him run, I didn’t want to be late (he’s prone to tears of insecurity although why I have no clue – there is really no reason to be insecure when your mother tells you she loves you 190 times a day and when she never ever misses a thing and still lies in bed with you every night even though you are ten – but I think that may be a post for another day)
As I was saying before I let you in on all my super magic mothering skills , I rushed from the office to the park with plenty of time to spare. I left the city feeling on top of things. I love my job (I think I may have mentioned that once or a hundred times.) I feel like I am in great place work wise (actually better than I could have dreamed for myself) and I adore the people I work with.
As I pulled up and started to walk over to the other mums who had gathered to watch the kids run my work veneer started to fall off. I felt all wrong – my jacket was hot, my shoes were too high, my scarf too flouncy, my pants too high, my top too tight. I felt a little lost. I am quite sure it wasn’t the park air – more the air of a hundred mother’s watching their kids and for some reason intimidating the hell out of me.
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It’s a funny thing about school functions even if they are held at the Duck Pond in the park. They make me feel 12. They make me feel awkward and anxious and vulnerable. I forget that it’s my son’s school and not mine. I forget that I have already made my friends and finished with the school yard shit. I forget that I have a husband and a fulfilling career and great friends (some of whom even helped me get through the sports carnival today).
God I am glad that I have finished school. I only wish Little Pencil would finish too.
PS Little Pencil came 7th in his race –that briefly cheered me up
Oh how I can relate to everything you’ve just written! Oh how I would love to meet you one day! You are surely just a far more talented and articulate version of myself?! I hear you on all fronts – and just wish I’d been there to greet you in the carpark – to say “#**k – thank God you’re here!”!!! Well done to little pencil – but moreso, well done to YOU for getting there, surviving and sharing with us – for keeping it REAL! Bless…xx
Aw thank you – I wish you had been there too xx
My son had cross country today too! But he thought it was a speed race, so he ran for as long as he could – then got puffed out and ended up coming last. But he just told me that everyone, not just his own House were cheering him on to finish. Which (as long as they weren’t waiting to go home!) was just so heart warming.
Sometimes school isn’t all bad. x
I have my last foster child in yr 11 and am so close to being finished with school forever…the last 15 years have been extremely trying. In a moment of madness I enrolled in an eLearn class at CIT here in Canberra….what could I have been thinking.
I enjoy your posts, and after watching a clip of you yesterday(3times) I am longing for my trip to Sth Africa in June/July for a milestone birthday “in the bush”
lp
I get that.
Yes I do.
Well done LP…7th! Cross Country is a good day..for kids.
I hear your issue, but this is mine.
When I attend a function eg Grandparents Day at the grandkids school, I turn into Principal/Teacher Grandma.
I “want” to tell kids ‘stop running on the concrete”
and remind the kids, “pick up that banana peel, someone might slip”
It is NOT that I turn into a kid, oh no, I just become a teacher on playground duty. And I detested PLAYGROUND duty…eeerk.
I behave at my grandkids’ school, but one night, at boring (0ops) interesting (nooo) terribly long & dragged out BAND recital night …hot…outside..I said, in a not whispering voice..”come on, stop the talking, let’s get finished” to which my older granddaughter (sent with me) shooshed me with “You are not a teacher here, you are a Grandma”.
sigh.