Right now I am sitting on a flight to Los Angeles and I am not at all nervous. Not a bit. In fact I’m really relaxed. I have the sounds of Angus and Julia Stone playing in my ears, I have my son and my husband at my side and I have the words of Rebecca Sparrow in my head.
All my life I have been a bit scared and although I have had my fair share of therapy (and probably your fair share too) nothing has really stuck. The way that I have dealt with my anxiety is too prepare for the worst.
When I wrote exams I prepared myself for failure, I imagined how I would deal with failing, how I would break it to my family and what I would do the following year. I imagined that if I dealt with it in my head first it would be easier to deal with if and when it happened. It never did.
When I lost something I told myself I would never find it – that way I was prepared if I never did.
When somebody told me that they loved me I never believed them. Still find it very hard.
When I flew I prepared myself to be hijacked. I anticipated the crash and I consoled myself that at least I would now what to do and how to handle it because I had lived the situation so many times in my head
So how come I am so relaxed on this epic flight to LA? How come after I have read The Secret and been to therapy and devoured self help books and hypnosis and huge amounts of medication I am feeling at ease now?
I think Rebecca Sparrow can take the credit. Her genius words, her nurturing manner and the beautiful way she dispenses her wisdom.
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When she first mentioned keeping a diary of gratitude I thought she was being a little hippy/new age and er, odd. But I saw how centred she was and how light literally shone from within her. Because every day she chooses to think of the things that she is grateful for, she doesn’t focus on the negative.
I thought about it a lot, but I never acted on it. Then last night as I was panicking about my flight Bec sent a message to one of my colleagues who is writing an exam today. She wrote:
“Before you go in, visualise yourself feeling like you know the answers. And being able to recall all the stuff you’ve read and learnt. “
And I don’t why but it just spoke to me.
I could make the choice and it could be a positive one, I didn’t have to think about the worst case scenario. It wasn’t selfish or scary to imagine the best possible outcomes. So I imagined us landing at LAX safe, happy and excited, I focused on the laughter, the joy we are going to share. Why not live the good stuff twice instead of the bad stuff once just in case? (I also chose not to think about Nat’s exam at all)
Now I just have to perfect this technique and use it in my everyday.
Thank you Rebecca
Being a pessimist is so sad. I’d much rather be optimistic and be wrong sometimes, than pessimistic and right sometimes. It’s a much happier way to live.
Lana, this week is the first anniversary of my daughter Georgie’s death. What you wrote is really a tribute to her and the positive impact her being has had on my life. I have been struggling to work out how to acknowledge her this week and you have done it for me. And what is more powerful than the ripple effect of her life. That she has changed more than just me.
I cannot find words to thank you enough. Love you.
Well, Ms Bec. I can’t find words enough to thank YOU. And I doubt I ever will! You have no idea how many people you’ve helped with your wonderful talents and huge heart. I bless the day we met, and I’ll always be grateful to you for what you’ve given me…
I thought of you this week (in between caring for my now blind/sick Boof – another story which I won’t bore you with!). I didn’t know if it would be the right thing to do to contact you, but I now just wish I had followed my gut and sent you the Big Al message I’d first thought of. My fear of upsetting you stopped me. Silly me. But thank you for being the shining light that you are and always will be. Great things are coming you way. Of that I am certain…. Big Al xx
Bec, oh dear Bec, you are very much in my thoughts too, with the Georgie’s anniversary. Holding hands across the internet to say “thank you” and blessing you for bringing all of us a lovely way to live.
Thinking of you, your husband and family……. Denyse XX
I love this post Lana. In fact, I think I love you even though we’ve never met! It’s just that everything you write resonates with me so much!
We also have more than a few things in common. We are both the sharpest pencils in our own little pencil-cases; We both have a fluffy pencil whom we idolise (mine literally went blind overnight a couple of weeks ago, and I’m a wreck – but more on that one later); We’re both very sensitive (me, way too much…), and lastly, but so not “leastly” we both have VERY good taste in friends (although you are lucky enough to see her more than I these days!).
While I have no fear of flying, I do have many others! What you have written is me to a tee! When I was growing up under strict-Irish-Catholic-rule, I developed Catholic guilt. My mum believed if we didn’t go to Mass on Sunday, and we died that night, we’d go straight to hell. I guess that sort of upbringing makes you worry about many things and in turn believe that you shouldn’t be happy here on earth. If I was, I kept waiting for the bubble to burst so I figured I should just expect the worst. “Blessed are they who expect little – for they shall not be disappointed” – that kinda’ thing.
WELL, what you’ve written here has helped me SO SO much Ms Lana! I thank you. And thanks also to Bec for inspiring you to write it. Have a truly wonderful time in the States…I look forward to reading all about your adventures. Kick back; relax and enjoy. You so deserve the good times you are about to have!
Big Al xx
Dear Lana,
I am really happy to have read your post, and it couldnt have come at a better time for me…having a bit of a negative time at the moment. Your inspiration for change via Bec is just wonderful.
Have a wonderful holiday.
Cannot wait for update…Denyse X
Thanks. Am showing this to Phil who is struggling a bit lately finding positives. I’m finding it incredibly difficult to understand why he can’t. Thanks to both of you. Seriously xxx
You’re so true, Bec shines positivity and amazing generosity of soul. Whenever I’ve been in her company I always leave thinking, man, I’d like to get me some of that. So glad you’ve worked out how. Enjoy your trip x