Tomorrow is the day that my cleaning lady comes to shout at me. I could not be more excited.  I love Maria like Romeo loved Juliet, oh okay maybe not that much but I love her like she is one of my friends.  One of the helpful ones, you know – the type that clean your house and do your laundry? But the kind that shouts.  A lot.

I realise that I am very lucky to have the luxury of having someone come to clean my my house. Even if she is quite shouty.  I also realise that I pay her more than I earn myself but, I realise that she is as good a cleaner as I am a payer and I am as good a cleaner as, well I’m not a good cleaner at all.

Because of her propensity to shout, the night before Maria comes is the busiest (and most nerve wracking) night of the week.  Here is the to do list I am avoiding

• Tidy the house so that she does not believe we are messy and slovenly.  This includes washing and drying sufficient laundry so that the laundry bin is not overflowing.  There is nothing so messy (in Maria’s eyes) as an overflowing laundry basket  (in my eyes there is nothing so messy as bad handwriting but that is a post for another day)
• Pack away laundry.  Laundry cannot be stuffed into cupboards as she will execute a cupboard inspection when putting away the 8 laundry items left for her.  Even if the clothes are clean they must be folded neatly when put away not shoved into the cupboard thereby showing us to be messy.  Socks must be neatly paired and folded
• Water and try to resuscitate the plant that she bought me for my birthday.  I positively hate this plant and try my hardest to ignore it all week but I cannot let it die or give it away as that would be offensive to Maria who somehow manages to bring it back to peak health each week
• Sort out the fridge.   To me, leftovers are one of the greatest highlights of my fridge.  They prove I once catered a proper meal and they are a source of many other great meals.  Leftovers offend Maria. She regularly points out the dangers of salmonella and asks me why I didn’t eat all my vegetables.
• Practise my smile and prepare alibis and excuses.  There is no doubt that Maria will shout at me about something.  Actually lots of things.  Last week she was angry that I changed the cycle on my own washing machine, that I had bought the incorrect stainless steel cleaner, and the fact that I dared to try and cook IN MY OWN KITCHEN.

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Seriously my best bet is to avoid my own house at all costs on a Friday.  But I will get there as Maria finishes, to pay her, hear her berate me and make sure she gets to the bus stop on time to complete her military training supervision.

Do you have someone in your life that makes you help yourself before he/she helps you?