When Little Pencil was a smaller pencil I bought him one of those cash register toys, a fancy one with a bar code scanner attached that made the requisite electronic noises. It was one of my favourite acquisitions perhaps because I always dreamed of being a “check out chick”.  I often watched the women at Coles masterfully scanning packets and boxes, I was full of rapt wonder when the biscuits passed the sensor causing the register to acknowledge the price.  And they always made it look like they were in such control, working with such purpose.  I’ll  admit that this does not paint my childhood in the most idyllic of lights but it definitely talks to my desire for routine and structure.  Oh how I wanted to be the person controlling the scanner.

Nowadays you don’t need toys.  Anyone can play “check out chick” at your local supermarket.  In fact you seldom get a choice, not that you’d ask for one. I always choose the self scan checkout and I’ll tell you that their machinery is a lot more sophisticated than the Fisher Price model.  It’s like reliving that childhood fantasy but you can’t pay with thick yellow discs of plastic as per the home version.

As much as I love playing with the scanner and the cash register I do feel sad for the people that will be losing their jobs through this advancement in retail technology.  Fortunately I see many niche markets that the major chains may have missed where they could create further employment opportunities.

Enviro Bag Reminder

Supermarkets could create a brilliant environmental customer service by having a person roam the parking lots looking for people exiting their cars and approaching the supermarket doors.  Their job would simply be to tap said shopper on the shoulder and say “go back to your car and get the enviro bags in your boot”.  Simple.  I need that person.

Calorie Converter

I recently went on a calorie controlled diet and I could not believe the huge differences in calorific content of even the different types of breads.  If I had a friendly Calorie Converter person (not book or appliance) to point to various products and tell me the calories, fat and sugar content, I would cut my shopping time by at least two hours. This would be a specialised job only available to customers who request it.

Dinner Selector

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The Tall Shelf Selector

Supermarkets could easily provide one tall person per aisle that would rush to the aid of short people who can’t reach the top shelf without unbalancing several shelf displays.  In fact the Tall Shelf Selector would ideally be very flexible and nimble so that s/he could reach the bottom shelves for older people or people with backs problems.

The Lolly Distractor

Not sure how the supermarket would feel about funding this one but perhaps we could get the Dental Society to contribute to this cause.  The Lolly Distractor would have the unenviable task of standing around the queues and diverting children’s attention away from the rows of lollies put there to taunt them.  They would be equipped with balls to juggle, bubbles to blow and all manners of magical equipment prepared by David Copperfield.

Plastic Bag Opener

If you have escaped the Enviro Bag Reminder person in the parking lot you will definitely need the plastic bag opener.  There is nothing more embarrassing than taking 5 minutes to find the opening of your plastic bag.  When there are hordes of people watching how fast you can scan your groceries and you cannot even manage to open the bag, it is really humiliating. Ask me.  I know

Who do you need when you go shopping?